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Your friend back home calls you often to talk. You wonder: Is she really that insecure in your friendship that she needs to talk to you every single day?


Everyone has their own opinion on whether staying friends with an ex is a good idea or not.

Tips to make new friends as an adult

But for many, staying friends with an ex is easier said than done. According to experts, there's a really good reason behind why it's so hard. So it's very possible to stay friends with someone you once had a romantic relationship with. There are different factors that can determine whether you can have a successful friendship or not. According to experts, these are the biggest reasons behind why it's so hard to remain friends with an ex.

You learned that friends can be disappointing

Anna Hiatt Nicholaides, Psy. As Nicholaides says, "This is why our connection to romantic partners feel so life-and-death. If your ex made you feel loved and desired, you may hold on to those feelings and keep looking for it even you decide to just stay friends.

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According to Nicholaides, the best way to form a friendship with an ex is to find another partner you feel attached to. Sometimes it's just too soon. A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that it takes at least three months for someone to get over an ex. Depending on the length of your relationship and how attached you are, it can take even longer.

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If you're still hurting from the breakup, maintaining a friendship is going to be really tough. Sanam Hafeezneuropsychologist who specializes in helping individuals work through relationship issues, tells Bustle. Ending a relationship is always tough. While staying friends may seem like a good way to keep your ex in your life, it's going to be difficult if you still have feelings for them.

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As Hafeez says, "It's going to be hard to be friends with them without it being torture to you and possibly uncomfortable for them. A study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that your motivation can determine whether you can have a successful friendship with your ex or not. There are four major reasons behind why people choose to stay friends: security, practical reasons, civility, and unresolved attraction. People who still had "unresolved romantic desires" were less likely to feel secure and happy in a friendship with their ex, the study found.

They were more likely to feel depressed, jealous, and brokenhearted.

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According to the researchers, people who stayed friends in order to be civil or because of practical reasons were more likely to be successful in their friendships. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep someone who's important to you in your life.

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According to Hafeez, people who can stay friends are those who are honest with themselves about why the relationship didn't work out, have nothing but positive feelings towards their ex, and may have already moved on to someone else. Staying friends with an ex isn't for everyone. If you're still in love and still attached, you may need to think about whether a friendship is really a good idea.

Sometimes it can be more trouble than it's worth. By Kristine Fellizar.

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OK, I know that sounds awful and maybe even a little cruel.


I lived in NYC for eleven years, tend to make friends easily, and I had a large network I took for granted.


Three years ago, I was walking down a cherry blossom-lined sidewalk at sunset.


A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.