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Men are dogs. The question some people have is: why do women go out with deadbeat losers? Then agin, deadbeat losers are everywhere.
How i stopped dating losers
Recreating the problem in the present that might have been shaped in the past creates the problem. I once counseled a family in which the parents constantly pushed their daughter to break up with the guys she would date. Her family members were convinced that the guy was the problem. I, as the therapist, could see that there was more to this. Do you find yourself repeating a similar pattern?
Do you tend to date the same type of person over and over again without intending to? It may be hard to grasp and accept, but when you find yourself continuously dating the same person, there is one common denominator, and that is you. In other words, it was pointless to focus their attention and energy on helping her get rid of her current biggest loser.
Theories explain that which we all have a hard time swallowing: We date at our same level of emotional maturity.
Why am i always dating the same losers?
Therefore, the relationships you enter are an echo of your own level of maturity and development. Hold up…What? Trust me, I have had a strong opposition to that idea before, too.
Especially, when I dated a guy who thought it was cool to smoke all day and play video games while I spent time in the library doing something of a more studious and responsible nature. I always seemed so much more mature than the guys I dated—and in some aspects of my life, this was true. However, emotional maturity takes different forms and is usually the driving force that motivates us to choose the dating partners that we do.
How to stop attracting losers into your life
Being more emotionally mature means making choices that stem from values and principles rather than anxiety. More simply put, emotional immaturity can be explained as lacking a sense of self. Repeatedly dating the same type of person is an indication that you are functioning at an emotional rather than logical manner. To make a long story short, this is the result of unresolved emotional attachment that spans multiple generations.
When I started viewing my own patterns from this perspective, it made sense to me that maybe I was on the same emotional level as my boyfriends.
Why do women go out with deadbeat losers?
I grew up in a very critical environment, which led me to be vulnerable and eager to please others. I would adjust who I was in order to keep my family in harmony and avoid their criticism.
As I grew older, my need for emotional closeness and approval grew, pushing me into the arms of someone with the same type of emotional functioning. I always found myself with critical men. Allow me to explain. In order to start choosing different, more satisfying types of relationships, you must first develop a stronger sense of self that does not allow you to make anxious investments in other people.
Dating a loser? 6 reasons you can’t leave him
This means not abandoning yourself to please others, becoming who they want you to be. The responsibility is yours to communicate your needs and choose someone who honors, cherishes, and loves you the same way you honor yourself. This is part of becoming more self-full and authentic. It means communicating your needs, having higher standards for the people you date, and stepping into your own self-love and self-care.
3 ways to stop attracting losers so you can finally meet a keeper
From that place, you can begin to choose the people you want to form relationships with. People who are self-full have the healthiest, most satisfying relationships.
They have strong boundaries and a clear idea of who they are. The work you will do on building your self will eventually bring you what you want in relationships.
This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment.
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March 11, Relationships. Talk soon, Dr. Ilene Article edited by Dr. Denise Fournier.
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How to stop attracting losers into your life
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