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Feeling unheard can create emotions and struggles that mimic depression and anxiety. Because people are social creatures, feeling connected is something we desperately need. So of course our bodies feel bad when it seems nobody is really there for us. Some symptoms of anxiety and depression may be related to feeling unheard or misunderstood. Bad feelings can often be helped just by having someone to listen and understand.


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Never underestimate the power of talking with someone who really listens. Our culture teaches people to suppress their feelings.

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So, for many menemotions like sadness, loneliness, disappointment, anxiety, guilt, and shame get funneled into expressions that look like anger. Unhealthy coping mechanisms—such as using alcohol, other substances, or addictive activities—are taken up in order to push the genuine feelings down.

Emotional support listening can provide a healing

There is something basic in the way human beings react when receiving this simple, but skillful, response to talking about their emotional pain. Depression is no different from any other emotional pain, in this sense. Find a Therapist Advanced Search If everyone who felt depressed was comfortable talking about it to a good listenerwe would have far fewer depressed people—possibly even fewer people on antidepressants.

Recently, a psychiatrist who was treating a friend of mine said that few people truly have a chemical imbalance causing their depression. Maybe this is why some research shows that antidepressants work about as well as placebos. Maybe the placebo works because the patients get some caring human contact before taking the pill. Human contact goes hand-in-hand with talking. We all need to see people smile at us, be warm toward us, perhaps even touch us in a friendly, appropriate way.

Warm, caring human contact is essential for us to live and thrive.

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Ideally, we would all have this in our lives without having to pay someone to get it. We would all have friendsrelatives, spiritual leaders, mentors, teachers, or healers around to listen and care when we are upset. Yet our culture no longer supports this basic need.

We are too busy. Many of us come from families who have abused us, or from whom we are separated. We often live alone, or have only our immediate family around. We are not connected to a church or community where this kind of talking may have been more available in the past. Instead we put value on the rational, over the emotional, to the extreme. As a result, many people end up trying to hide their tears and vulnerability, thus creating more alienation and isolation.

Ironically, suppressing our feelings and being deprived of warm contact actually makes us more susceptible to depression, making people think they have even more to hide.

Please listen

So if you are feeling depressed or in emotional pain, try to find someone you can talk to—someone who will listen deeply and without judgement. It will help to do your talking with a highly trained, skilled, and naturally intuitive professional.

You owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to prevent depression, or deeper depression. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Cynthia W. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.

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Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. I honestly feel the most isolated and alone when I am trying to talk to someone but feel like they are not really engaged in me or the discussion that I am trying to have with them. Talking to a wall is no fun, not productive, and really I feel better just writing it all done than I do talking with someone who has nothing to add because they are not paying attention to me. It is a wonderful idea that you should find someone to talk to to hash out those problems.

But anyone looking for this person should remember that it is not always the easiest thing to do, that you may have to search for a little while before finding that person who makes you the most comfortable and willing to open up. Wow, love the succintness of the title. So true. We must remember to take time for relationships with others.

I want to cry over it and feel better gradually and that is how I want it to be! I hate that feeling of talking to someone and I feel like they are ignoring me. It is like they are just going through the mostions of listening but then when I know that they have nothing valuable to interject then I know that they are not all that concerned with the things that I am going through. Hi Jade, my name is Tara. I agree. I just want someone whom I could confide my problems and will just listen to me.

Thanks for all your great comments!

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Find someone who lets you feel and express whatever is going on inside you and knows how to show they get it, and respect it. I find talking to someone and getting outside for fresh air helps with symptoms of depression and drink lots of water.

Our brains need it. Too exhausted and it would take too much effort.

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I have been writing my feelings in a journal though, which does help. I agree with your analysis however some people need a certain somebody to show caring affection. Hotlines are usually immediately accessible, FREE and confidential.

More and more centers also offer online crisis counseling via live chat on their websites if you are more comfortable chatting online. Coming from a long battle with depression, I have definitely found ways to confide in myself for positivity but sometimes… Well a lot of timesI feel alone and defeated. It is so hard to find someone who is not narcissistic.

I wait patiently and try to support them. I am a therapist in training and this is a big problem, not just for me. There are so many narcissists and they are charming. I think heart to heart connection with a healthy, generous friend goes a long way.

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Is anyone listening, can anyone hear me? I am very alone especially since mom can no longer hear me. She is Not to be heard. Live far from her, partner is a jerk. Whole situation just sucks. So sorry you are having a tough time.

Why won’t anyone listen to me?

Do give yourself the gift of taking time to call a hotline and talk about how you are feeling. You deserve to be heard! Best, E. I have a great friend who I text and phone a lot. The other person has to be my current therapist. So obviously she has become an important part of my life and healing. Trust takes time to build especially when it has been broken over and over again.

You know talking to friends as much and as deeply as we need may not be the best. As a psychotherapist I have heard to many people loosing friends because of not knowing how to respond. I been trying to explain myself to others and this is what I came up with. Locked away by ptsd That gets triggered like the weather change in Florida A rollercoaster of anxiety depression anger and uncertainty of level each one plays. No control of action or choice of words just blinded by the unsettled mind. My solution to my pain and prison just enslaved to the creed of a few.

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Who to blame,is there somebody to blame. The anger raises, but how to filter the anger to use its strength to break whats inprisons me. Streuner, Your words are quite beautiful. I admire you for your strength. Also for your ability to articulate yourself in such a manner. I hope that this finds you well.

In all there are 24 comments on the article. There is only one comment by a man and remaining 23 are by women! But has anyone of them has ever tried to find the reason why that happens? I think no one! Most of the women talk so much when somebody tries to listen to them, that the listener gets fade-up! There is always a limit to how much anyone can listen. So try to be concise and one will care to listen you and you would be happy. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy. Get Listed. Find a Therapist Advanced Search. Invalid Address. Please confirm that you are human.

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As we discussed in Part One , young people experience many demands in school.


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