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10 s you might be an outgoing introvert
I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half. We have lived together for almost a year now. She is an introvert. We do have a lot in common and share a lot of the same views, but there is something that has been the topic of conversation and arguments as of late: Social Demands. I am an extrovert.
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I love going out to bars and dinners, playing sports, and doing just about anything that involves a group. The problem is my girlfriend does not like me doing a majority of these things.
I do tend to her introvert needs like staying in, one-on-one outings, small groups, leaving parties early, or not doing a single thing and just being a couch potato for hours. I am not getting the same social pleasure in return though. We have sat down and discussed a compromise where I get a few nights out a month, but that has died, and the begging to stay in has started again.
Once the begging starts, it almost always le to her getting pissed, saying some mean stuff, and me having to give up the plans that I told her I was going to do and just coming home. Here is a good example.
Just today, I texted her saying I was going to play softball after work tonight. This week, I put my foot down because I really want to play softball.
In her eyes, coed sports is an activity that only single people take part in. I think that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. What I am looking for is advice. I need my social life, or I am going to lose my mind, but I also need her to accept this fact and realize that these activities are harmless. I am all about staying home and watching a movie, but not 7 nights a week.
The social introvert’s advice on dating the opposite temperament
To give her credit, she does go out, but it has to be planned 5 days in advance and with a small group. But every time I invite her, she declines.
I wanted to answer your letter for a couple of reasons. I see many letters come in from very social, outgoing extroverts looking to understand their introverted partners, and as an introvert myself, I find it incredibly heart-warming. Dating is about compatibility, right? People contain multitudes, so to boil it down to one category is closed-minded and even a little dangerous.
But you, dear Extrovert, are not at all closed-minded or shutdown.
You definitely crave an interesting and also a compassionate life. These are rough words, I know. Just because I identify as an introvert does not mean I have the right to disregard the feelings and needs of the people in my life, especially those about whom I care most deeply. Introverts or extroverts, we all have to compromise.
Do I need to accept the fact that they never really text or call me back? So, Extrovert, it is not okay that your girlfriend asks you not to play softball or have friends outside the bounds of your relationship. People need to find their own answers in their own time, and, unfortunately, you may not be on the same schedule. I doubt her current selfishness is coming from a mean-spirited place.
Perhaps you can support her in this and perhaps not—it may take some time to pinpoint.
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Balance, people. Being an introvert is not a dating death sentence. Stop that. Good luck to you, dear Extrovert. Have a question about a personal or professional relationship problem? the Social Introvert at [ protected]! We enter into adult relationships, in other words, looking for the love we had—or wished we had—as children.
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Understanding the difference is the key to good relationships. Connect Contact Susan. the Revolution up below to receive periodic updates from Susan Cain. Up.